Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Bitching... It's a Disease

“If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.”

-J.A. Konrath

Complaining, bitching, whining, seeking sympathy.... it's all one, huge, contagious disease.

I have fallen under this disease several times, in a day! I think that it is our way of letting out our frustrations, concerns, and anger. But is it really worth expressing to those around us?

Today hits my 1 year anniversary with the construction company here in Whittier, and I am thrilled. Honestly, it hasn't even felt like a whole year at the same place, with the same people, and the same routine. All I could think about this morning while I was getting ready was how my last job (Hollywood Sports) which I was only with for 6-7 months, it felt like a LIFETIME! I won't go into detail about all the things I experienced that were just "not okay", but let's just say that I felt more like a laborer than a team member.

So I began to start thinking about the differences between the two jobs: I have 15 PDO's for the year, they give us all the major holidays off (plus a few other ones), I feel as if I am "just the receptionist" but they feel that I am truly one of the most important positions, the people here are more of a family than just co-workers, AND on top of all of this, the bosses treat you like people... and not just caddle they control on a daily basis.


I blame it on 3 reasons:

(1) "They don't challenge me enough. I am much smarter than they think"
(2) "My days are too boring"
(3) "All I do is answer the phone"

All of these reasons are ridiculous! I need to keep telling myself what everyone around me keeps telling me when I complain... "people would die to have a position like yours!"

So I am going to start taking an interest in something that I should have a few years ago... Spanish. I have ordered a textbook that comes with a workbook, I am so excited and I feel as if it will mean a lot to my fiance and my soon-to-be-official-in-laws.

I can also take this time to read some great books..(if you are reading and have suggestions, leave it in a comment!). I am taking this time I have to write in this blog...sorry it's been a few days! AND I can take this time, if I wanted to, to do schooling online to get my Master's... we'll see though.

This job allows me to truly have 8 hrs. a day to fruther my interests. I am currently looking for a 2nd job as an article writer/editor for 2 different websites; IGN which is a website about all things pop culture (technology, tv, movies, etc.) and MyXboxLive which is a webstite all things video games. I am so excited that one of these two possibilities may happen, and my job ALLOWS for this to be a possibility.

So, bitching is a terrible disease... it's time to stop spreading it and take a look at how much worse it could be.

Remember, even when it's bad...it's still pretty damn good!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

F@*# Self-Doubt...

“F@*# self-doubt. I despise it. I hold it in contempt, along with the hell-spawned ooze-pit of Resistance from which it crawled. I will NEVER back off. I will NEVER give the work anything less than 100%. If I go down in flames, so be it. I’ll be back.”
-Steven Pressfield

Self-doubt has always been a part of me; whether it be in my ability to be the best at something, or how I look compared to all these other women, and even in how strong I am. My self-doubt started to make an appearance this morning...

I have never been the tiniest built girl... ever since elementary school and middle school I have felt much larger than most of the girls I went to school with, not necessarily fat, but just a little "pudgider". I was always athletic and ate pretty well throughout school, but could never look like any of these flat tummied, twig legged girls that I was surrounded by.

High school came around, and my self-confidence shot up a little bit during Sophomore year...but in the back of my mind I still always felt "pudgier". I had finally gone from a size 8 jean to a size 5 towards the end of my sophomore year and I was thrilled! I stayed this size until I graduated and moved down to LA.

Ugh.. culinary school was the death of my size 5 jeans. All the tasting and all the delicious food we were making put me back up to the size 8 jean and I was feeeeling it. I never felt like anything fit right, I always felt the need to wear jackets and sweaters to hide my "tummy", and going out took forever because I changed about 5 million times before I felt comfortable enough to go out.

Finally, all of this began to change once we moved out and got a place of our own... a whole apartment to ourselves where I could workout whenever I wanted to. We have been working out consistantly for about 2 (almost 3) months. The tummy is getting a little flatter and my endurance is almost back to where it was in high school. But... the self-doubt always creeps back up.

This morning is a perfect example... I felt great walking out the door... but once I got into the office where people would see me I began to stare at each part of myself and judge it. This is when I remember what my mom told me this last trip home, which was:

"Stop looking at yourself as parts, see yourself as a whole."

I am still struggling with my weight and am working to lose a good 30lbs... but this will never happen if I expect instant results... 30lbs are easy to put on, but will take much longer to take off. I still want to look like all these women on Pinterest and all the cuties at theme parks; but maybe it's time to realize that the one I'm with loves me and is working with me to get fit... ((not many women have that kind of support)).

So it's time to start look at myself as a whole...

Monday, January 6, 2014

For Every Minute of Anger...

"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness"

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ever since I began school in 2010 I have found myself getting more and more angry much easier than before. There are several things I could blame this on... (1) the influence of the LA attitude (2) culinary school makes a beast out of you (3) stress.

All of these reasons are bullshit.

There is nothing to blame my anger on but myself, sure there are things that are upsetting... but my reactions would last hours after an incident and would come from incidents that weren't even THAT upsetting. Or, honestly, from nothing at all.

I caught myself beginning to do this again last night. My anger came from nowhere, I got pissed off for no reason and took all my stuff from the living room to the bedroom.. and honestly made my fiance feel as if it was something he had done.I had to stop myself and think - "am I really upset about anything?" - and the answer was, of course, no.

After this realization I had to turn my attitude around, make myself understand that there is nothing to be angry about, Sunday was coming to a close, and was this really how I wanted to set off a new week? It's time to start realizing these moments more, not only for me but for those around me.

When I began to think more about being happy for those around me, it really struck me that my bad moods can ruin my relationships. Being engaged now, I begin to start thinking about the long haul...would I want to be with someone that had moods like I do... HELL NO!.

So, for every minute of anger I can either choose to stay angry and distance those around me because of my bad mood... or I can choose to stop, think about the situation, and change that anger into happiness and bring those I love closer to me and enjoy their time with me more.

Friday, January 3, 2014

"Pizza is like Sex"

"Pizza is like sex... when it's good it's reeeaallly good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good."

This famous quote I learned from my mom popped out at me today while sitting at my front lobby desk, sipping on my first Starbucks of the new year. Seems like a strange quote to think of while on the clock, but soon it will all make sense.

While this morning was not any easier to wake up to, I thought that if I get up and get going I could stop and get a nice hot coffee from Starbucks. Now, this was not my main focus this morning and wasn't even entirely my motivation for waking up; but subconciously my mind knew that it would be just what I needed today. The hair goes up in a quick, messy ponytail... it's casual Friday, so why not? The usual jeans with boots get thrown on... the top, well a light mint green spaghetti strap tanktop I can easily dress up with a cardigan and some bangle bracelets. Look at the clock on my phone and it reads that it is 6:51; so I decided to watch some of the ridiculous "news" on channel 11 while my honey slept away the morning. 7:00 hits and I'm patting his belly letting him know that it's time for me to take off for the day, and the morning ritual continues with him walking me to the door with several kisses in between and then a quick goodbye as I head for my car.

As my heater kicks in, I decide to make a slightly longer trip to a different Starbucks than the one I usually go to because that one has a drive-thru. As my drive continues I get to hear Ryan's Roses on KIISFM, my all time favorite thing to hear on the radio during my drive to work. Women have the cast of KIISFM call their husbands/boyfriends/lovers to see if they are cheating on them... but how do they do that? Simple, they call offering free roses to whomever the man wants to send them to... if it's not to their wife/girlfriend/lover than they are obviously cheating. Let's be honest, they usually are if that's the case... and lucky for them, it's all on the radio for my morning commute.

So anyways, fast forward to the Starbucks incident that caused me to think of this great quote. I order my usual (well, during the holidays) a Venti Peppermint Mocha, extra hot, no whip cream. And today I decided to treat myself to a crumbly, warm, delicious butter croissant. The drive-thru is taking longer than usual, but I realize it's because the person in front of me is a mom with a car FULL of kids; so I just relax and enjoy the sun shining into my car that is breaking through the cold air. I get my coffee and croissant and get to work just on time. As I'm walking, my coffee is spilling slightly out of the top and as I go to lick it off my hand, it tastes rather different and is a much lighter color. I ignore it while I am struggling with newspapers and my purse and my phone... oh, AND the coffee.

As I began to set all my stuff down, I saw that the sticker on the side does not say my usual Venti Peppermint Mocha. Instead it reads "Venti Pike Place". This usually would have sent me off on a sad morning, longing for the drink I had originally wanted. This is the point of the story where I would start getting upset, thinking "I could've had 10 more minutes sleeping" or "I just wasted $5 of my gift card". But instead, I sipped it... sipped it again... and thought "shit, I'll just add some sugar and this will be delicous as well!". I proceed with my morning tasks, and began to truly enjoy this coffee I had never inteded to be drinking at my desk.

Which brings me to the quote I learned very early on from my mom... but instead, I replaced "pizza" with "Starbucks". I need to stop focusing on the good, the bad, and the ugly of every situation and just tell myself that "even when it's bad, it's still pretty damn good".

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Facebook Truly Does Inspire

"The grass will always be greener on the other side as long as you spend more time gawking over the fence at your neighbor's lawn than watering, fertilizing, and mowing your own"

A friend of mine posted this on their Facebook as a status update, and it really got me thinking about how I look at the situations in my life. I am always expecting more from myself and my life, and I never seem to be appreciative of anything I have accomplished. It always leaves me feeling unsatisfied and unhappy, but why do I do this? Why do I think so lowly of everything I have done since moving to LA?

Once I began to truly think about it, the answer was so simple. I allow myself to be this way. (and truthfully, I don't stop myself either)

So, this blog is not a New Year's resolution and this blog is not a place for my whining and complainging. This blog is where I will begin to water, fertilize, and mow my own lawn rather than gawking at the grass on the other side.

The first step is realizing how much I have to be thankful for, so here it goes:

    1. My Job - I am making very decent money for simply being a receptionist for a     construction company. The people I work with are extremely kind and generous,     and the company itself is awlays thinking of its employees.

    2. Our Apartment - Our apartment is affordable and is not a tiny studio. It is big     enough to house both of us as well as my family when they come down to visit. It is     in a decent part of Whittier, and is close to practically everything. But most of all,     it's our home.

    3. Finishing School - I am barely 21 and I have finished school in 3 years and     earned my Degree. There is hardly anyone my age that has accomplished this.

    4. My Family - Although they are almost 400 miles away, I am always welcomed     and am always comforted with the fact that their door is always open to me. They     will always answer my phone calls and texts, no matter how early in the morning or     how late at night. They are the ones that got me through school and they are the     ones that have supported me even when itwasn't easy for them.

    5. My Car - Although she stresses me out sometimes and makes me feel as if     everything is crumbling; I am very lucky to have a working car. (Especially since     she is pretty good on gas as well)

This isn't everything I have to be thankful for, but it is a good start for working towards a more positive way of thinking. I know not every day will be this simple, but this blog will help me get everything out of my head... for once!